Is BDSM for you?

OK, so something deep inside you is gnawing away, that gut instinct that you are trying to compress, telling you that you want to submit to another person for sexual pleasure or physical / emotional gratification, yet, you’ve seen the images on the internet and you’ve read the horror stories related to BDSM and are probably thinking you are a bit of freak, or that it's weird and completely messed up – right? Oh so wrong.

Forget 50 Shades of Grey! It may be a very intriguing and stimulating story, but it really is a million miles away from the fiction portrayed to the reader.

Are you normal?
In truth, these days ‘normal’ has no definition. Do you have tattoos and consider yourself 'normal', for instance? Yes? Then I bet you would be shocked to discover that you are a fetishist. Oh yes, you are! Stigmatophilia is the correct term for it, and without even realising the fact you have entered the world of kink, and needle play. So, welcome aboard if you're into tattoos and/or piercings, or as an extention to this, any form of 'alternative' lifestyle or thinking.

Is it natural?
Yes, completely. Just because your rationale is telling you it isn’t natural, does not mean it is not natural to you. We are all individuals, we all have individual thoughts, fantasies, sexual urges, feelings and definitions of love. People who live in the D/s lifestyle or who have an active interest in BDSM are not freaks; we work, we play, we have families, we wear normal clothes and we interact, love and respect the people in our lives who do not understand why or how we have this specific interest. We call them ‘vanilla’. Nearly all of us in some form or another, have to live our D/s and vanilla lives separately because that is what society can accept and we play along quite happily, but what is never natural is to think of ourselves as freaks and deny who we really are. All you have to do is look at the enormity of the BDSM community, the number of fetish clubs, play parties, forums and online chat rooms to realise that you are not alone, there are hundreds of thousands of people who feel exactly the same as you do.  

Maybe you have just woken up to these desires or maybe you already have a partner that you would like to experiment with. First and foremost – go slow! Many newbies often get an element of ‘D/s fever’ (and are over taken with impatience, you know this world and these opportunities exist and you want to try it all now!

There are so many questions to ask yourself;

Do you just want a play partner or are you seeking a longer term relationship?
Do you know what your own limits are?
Are the rules the same as the rules of vanilla ‘dating’?
How open are you to your own sexuality?
Do you want a one-on-one relationship or are you willing to play with multiple partners at the same time? 
Do you want to explore bi-sexuality or transgender play?
Do you want to explore your submissive side safely and are you clear that you are a submissive?
Do you even want to experience BDSM on a physical level or are you more drawn towards the psychological?

The first thing is to do a little soul searching, be totally honest with yourself; if you can’t do that, you will never be totally honest with anyone else and that can be damaging and dangerous. Make a list of your desires, the things that you have always wanted to try but until now you haven’t really allowed yourself to think about. Then, make a second list of your limits; firstly your hard limits, namely those things that you just will not move on and no-body can ever make you budge and secondly your soft limits, those things that you do not like the thought of at all, but with careful and correct training you would be willing to have those limits pushed, perhaps even removed. Don’t forget that these lists are going to change, whatever you feel right now, i can almost guarantee is not how you will feel with a little more experience, but for now, this will form the fundamentals of you as a submissive.

This site is here as an eye opener as much as it provides you with a safe and highly personal and confidential gateway towards the exploration of your inner self, and any preconceived thoughts of fear you may now have are generally through a lack of knowledge and understanding because it is unknown territory to you, perhaps. What you think you may believe about this lifestyle is more than usually irrational in nature and it all appears to be scarier than it is in reality.

Step into this world, and keeping an open and non-judgemental mind, by reading on you will discover an interesting and intriguing world which, through this site it is safe for you to dip your toes into the water and learn far more about yourself; your likes, dislikes, fantasies, fears, strengths, weaknesses and hopefully finding your true and honest-self.

When I say "honest-self" it is meant in the context of a very personal and most times spiritual journey for the submissive which produces the most incredible highs, spectacular and dare I say cataclysmic orgasms beyond what most females will ever experience within the context of 'normal' vanilla sex with a partner.

The orgasm in this respect comes from a state of mind through the trained release of endorphins. Endorphins are natural chemicals in the body that fight pain. Endorphins are released when a person gets hurt, but also during exercise, laughter or sex. ... They mean "a morphine-like substance from within the body which are otherwise referred to as the "happy hormone," and through the process of empowering this process to kick-in the submissive can benefit from what is known as a 'endorphin stupor (also known as "being left in a in a big puddle of quivering ecstasy").

It's fair to say that most women will never ever know or experience the sensation of a 'whole body' orgasm, whereby a process of steps increases the intensity of the orgasm to the point where she physically feels her spiritual body leave her physical one and float upwards to where she looks down upon herself writhing in ecstatic bliss,before floating back down to reconnect with herself and enter what is referred to as sub-space.

This is achievable though for just about any woman who is prepared to take the empowering steps forward, and once taken she will never ever look back to how her view of herself was before, and from this point forwards her self-confidence and sexual confidence will forever more be at an ecstatic level of pure bliss by mentally switching into the moment, and if by reading this your thoughts lean towards all of this being either 'impossible' or 'utter crap' and it will never happen for you, then it's because your negative thought patterns from previous experience, or not as the case may be, have closed your mind to the possibilities of reuniting you with your inner and true sexual self.

Thankfully not everyone wants to or even can have children or the planet would become entirely over populated and our continued survival as a human race would be under extreme threat of wiping itself out, but this should in no way preclude us from having and enjoying sex because this what we're here for. So we might all just as well get on and enjoy it in as many ways as is humanly possible and legal for as long as we have a pulse.

What stops us from doing so is fundamentally down to our deeply embedded sub-conscious and historically religious beliefs which were put in place to control the masses. Which in the case of the Western world happens to be the church. 

I remember very clearly as a child brought up as a Roman Catholic the concept of 'Original Sin' being drilled into my psyche and being brainwashed into the fear of putting a foot wrong or be cast into hell for an eternity, and all stemming from Adam and Eve's rebellion in Eden, namely the sin of disobedience in consuming the forbidden fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and something regarded rather drastically as total depravity of the flesh.

As recently as the 1970s and ’80s, if an unmarried woman in Ireland became pregnant, she might have been sent to give birth in a special home. Run by religious orders but funded by the government, mother-and-baby homes operated as quasi-public institutions for decades, starting in the 1920s. Their main function? To hide out-of-wedlock pregnancy from public view, and quite probably due to the belief that Eve in the garden of Eden disobeyed God, and women have historically taken the fall for this brainwashed and therefore unforgivable indiscretion ever since.

Yet a look back back into the rear view mirror of time reveals both Greek and Roman sexual shenanigans, which given that civilisation is over 2000 years ahead and people are bumping and grinding as much now as they were back then; albeit with far less mass vigour and openly public display, the relics of historical religious control still pervade deep within our sub-consciousness when it comes to matters of sex, and we typically introduce unnecessarily religious control terms such as 'sexual morals' - which takes us right back to Garden of Eden indoctrination and the ridiculously outdated concept of 'forbidden fruit' - to stop us from doing what we are born into this Earth to do, and where religion contradicts itself rather spectacularly.

So, it is unsurprising that anything outside of what is considered by some as normal 'vanilla' sex the idea of venturing into the world of BDSM will be a foreboding taboo of 'not' normal territory. Yet converse to this belief is the incontrovertible fact that more than a fair amount of sexual practises we enjoy today are thousands of years old and stem from Greek and Roman/latin origin as much as our language does. BDSM is peppered with such terminology. Check out the site A-Z dictionary and read for yourself.

Ready and keen to learn more now? How do you indentify a 'real' dominant from an amateur. Or worse still, fake? Find out HERE.

Using Format